Excuse me, would someone please clarify exactly WHAT the fuck was so sexy about this look in the 80's? PLEASE? This is the all MALE music group, Poison. As in BOYS. As in "should be into chicks and getting laid". But in this lovely photo our boys look like they might wish they had a little bit of pussy to go with their look, and I'm not talking the one of the acid-wash-clad chick groupie. The dude in the black mane looks like Fran Drescher with his red manicure and "Hi, my name is RuPaul"-look. There is more lipstick, feather boa, and hairspray than a 13 year-old girl's dress-up collection. I admit, I never got into the big hair, even as a girl, back in the 80's. So I especially have a hard time looking at these dudes and thinking, "God, they are so hot! I wonder what it would be like to kiss them.." Yeah, kissing a guy who wears more lipstick than I wear in a year. Mmmm, sounds like Mommy needs to get really fucked up on some Busch Light so I can black out and relive an 80's fantasy. I think Brett Michaels single-handedly became the inspiration for Libby Lu. Hell, maybe he IS Libby Lu. My daughters don't dress up like that big of hooches and they have no concept of moderation when it comes to girly shit.
Personally, I was into more alternative music in that time period. Depeche Mode, New Order, Erasure, Siouxie and the Banshees, Nitzer Ebb, Front 242 (anyone born after 1980 is going "WHO??!!"), basically any group who enjoyed wearing black and singing about more topics than getting their 17 year-old muffin-topped slut in the sack, or singing about "She's My Cherry Pie"..Not to rag on my friends who were into hair bands, it just wasn't my bag, baby. At least when the lead singers of the bands I liked came onstage and were wearing a dress and lipstick, we knew what the fuck was up. My friends and I hung out at this alternative teen club on Friday nights called Top of the Rock, or "Top", as we called it. We layered our 99 cent Wet and Wild black eyeliner, hiked our already super short black mini skirts up to reveal maximum thigh exposure, and hopped up onto teeny little platforms to dance (basically flashing my vag to the whole club). Sometimes we were able to score some alcohol to suck down quickly before we got there. Getting a buzz made all those skinny albino boys with long hair look even more hot and less like wet rats smoking clove cigarettes. I remember taking a tiny bit of every kind of booze my parents had and mixing it all together. We're talking gin, whiskey, vermouth, shitty wine, Creme de Menthe, Bailey's, you name it and at least a shot was going into my bottle. Since the concoction tasted worse than licking Ron Jeremy's stink star, we had to chase it with some lemonade. My friend and I literally gagged as we downed this shit. Teen beggars can't be choosers.
Molly--"This tastes like shit but we'll be so BUZZED when we dance tonight!"
Molly--"This tastes like shit but we'll be so BUZZED when we dance tonight!"
Sara--"YACK-AAAAACH!! This is so disgusting I can't even drink it!!
Molly--"Gimme that, I'll finish it! BEEEEEELCH {flames coming from my throat}!! Tonight's going to ROCK!!"
We danced like assholes (no really good dance moves ever came from the late 80's) and smoked our Camel Lights, waiting for a boy to ask us to slow dance. This rarely happened. Maybe the boys were intimidated by our vagina-high skirts, maybe the pungent smell of smorgasbord booze-a-rama filled the air, or maybe they were busy blowing chunks from their own Franzia/Jack Daniels/Relsky vodka smoothie. Whatever the case, we stood around contemplating what it would be like to dance with these mysterious, goth boys. (Fast forward 10 years and realize they're all gay now. Fucking story of my life, man..) Ah to be a young teen again, so full of horniness and hope. Now I'm still horny, I'm just sagged out and the itty bitty skirts I used to wear can only be used as scrunchies.
3 comments:
Hahahaha...to answer your question about why the guys in Poison wore all that makeup and crap: It was to get them noticed. There were so many bands with their style of music getting signed in the mid-'80's. They had to stand out somehow and it worked! Yes, they did look like total freaks. I believe the drummer was actually a licensed cosmetologist. I never understood girls that liked dudes that look like ladies - this would include Leif Garrett, the guy from the Partridge Family (WTF was his name???), Prince, etc. Yeah baby, talk dirty to me...
-Wild Rocker Chick from the 80's
Top? I remember that club all too well. I used to hang out there with some friends. We used to dress up like wanna-be goth fags on "I'm too young to drink and I have to be home by 11pm" night. Only we were straight. Looking for hot bitches to score with. I used to see this really hot blonde there. I was totally infatuated with her. She was always up on a platform somewhere dancing. I would drool all over my combat boots. I could never get up the courage to talk to her. Later I found out she dated a midget cambodian troll doll. I drove past where Top used to stand a few years ago. I think they fix cars there now. It was hard to tell. It makes me wonder what my devious children will do when they get to that age. The way technology is advancing it will be virtually impossible for them to lie to there parents like we used to.
Okay, you've got me curious now. Who is Techyman?? Did I know you? Was I a bitch to you? Did you go to my school? Is this one of my friends bullshitting me? Loved the comment about the Cambodian troll doll. What the fuck was I thinking?!!! And he was like 6 inches shorter than me, too. I guess I enjoyed that he was 21 and could buy booze for me. Please reveal yourself...
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