Why are there so many shows about "little people" all over the damn TV? "The Little Couple", "Little Chocolatiers", "Little People, Big World", "Pit Boss", and the one about the little people who have a gargantuan baby who will soon be able to lock his parents in the closet and steal beers from their fridge. What's the God damn fascination? It's not like the "Wizard of Oz" was just released a few months ago and no one had ever seen a Munchkin before that. Did a freak tsunami swoop in from all the earthquakes and suddenly a random tribe of pygmy dwarves is overtaking America? I don't fucking think so. We get it. You are smaller than the rest of us. You got a sweet contract to do 57 episodes on TLC and your home designers built custom 22 inch countertops for your wee stature. A giant Slip and Slide covers your stairs so you can glide down with ease. I am over the fascination. Why isn't there in influx of TV shows for those people who are freakishly tall? Oh that's right, we already have that. It's called the NBA.
On a different but similarly annoying note, when I am flipping through my favorite fashion magazine and I come across the cutest God damn pair of suede pumps with fringe tassels that catch my eye, why does in read next to them "price upon request". I'm sorry, if I am looking at YOUR magazine which I paid MY money for and you took time to photograph these fucking sexy-as-shit shoes, why in God's name don't you tell me how much they cost?! Granted, I highly doubt I will ever be able to afford them. But can I at least know if I can ever buy them in this lifetime? Uppity Italian bitches. When people start stealing your fucking "secret-priced" shoes and then suddenly Payless is doing a mediocre knock-off for $29.99 we'll see how priceless you think they are then. Screw you, I don't want them anyways.
The last bitch point in my rant today is to all you folks who have created some sort of fucking sculptures out of your bushes in your front yards. They are swirling towers of foliage, resembling some sort of crazy giant organic lollipop or a hippie's dildo. Who has that much time to not only plan but meticulously sculpt your bush like Mr. Miyagi did to his miniature bonsai trees in Karate Kid. It's all I can do to pluck the plethora of weeds that shoot up from my mulch every time it rains. My bushes are there, they are "free-form" and do not grow over my sidewalk nor do they cover my windows. If I ever go on a meth bender, since my local Walgreens' seems to think I'm already selling from the lab I apparently have in my basement with all the Claritin-D and Sudafed I try to buy each month, I will be out there along side you all with my toenail clippers or cuticle scissors or miniature Barbie saws or whatever the fuck you use to create a spiral 6-foot tower of greenery. Until then the only bush I will give a shit about trimming is the one beneath my panties.
1 comment:
My god, I love all of your posts...it took some time to read almost all of them but it was defiantly worth it!!! I love your perspective on everything and your tone is fucking awesomely refreshing. Thank you for sharing your opinions and thoughts.
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