Wow, it has been awhile since I posted. I was distracted by planning for my trip plus I was gone. There were so many details I can elaborate on...and bitch about. Let's begin with our very first flight from Chicago. Exposing yourself to the "riff-raff", as Sultan calls the people who sit in regular economy class on a plane, will give you endless blog fodder. Here goes..
When you travel with a family of four sometimes it's tough, especially during spring break, to secure four seats all together. With some creative juggling and willing people who wouldn't ever want to separate Mommy from her kids, it should all work out. Unless you run into Miss Twat Wad McPain-In-the-Ass. Wow, she was a piece of work. As the plane filled, we realized our seats were not actually all together. A young, moderately bitchy woman fretted because I was sitting in her seat, which she assumed had a power source for her computer. Sultan, being the uber traveler he is, quickly informed her, "No (you dumb ass freak), there are no power sources in this section of the plane. You would have needed to upgrade to business or first class to get that (sweet tits/cheap ass)." Then along comes THE BITCH. She informs the woman next to me, sitting on the aisle, that she is in her seat and needs to get up and move it. Yup, just like that. Sooooo subtle, huh? Cunt. We try to figure out where to put us all as this ass clown throws a hissy fit. "You need to get up and move NOW. I paid extra for this seat." The sweet lady asks her if she's supposed to sit on the little girl (Isabella) whose seat she's supposed to be in. She informs her she really doesn't care, just move it. Seriously, in the most fucking nasal tone bitch face voice you can imagine. So this total cunt rag ends up taking her fucking glorious aisle seat and the nice woman is evicted......to another aisle seat. All that bullshit for THAT?? Really?! Then she proceeds to get on the phone and call two friends to relay her horrific story. She kept her God damn IPhone on for half the flight and kept getting busted by the flight attendant. "It IS off!!!" she would utter in a freakish voice every time she got caught. What a fat whore. I wanted to dump my scalding hot Starbucks' complimentary coffee into her crotch, which probably hasn't seen a dick in 18 years. This chick's best friend, aside from her IPhone and compuer, is her double ended dildo named Rambone-A-Tronic Love Shaft. I hope her 12 vibrators went off as her luggage passed through security and she got strip searched. It would be more action this pig twat has seen in years.
Other than that, the flight was fine......
P.S. We did have to race to our connecting flight which was delayed so we could catch it. It was like a scene from one of my fave shows, The Amazing Race. We raced to our gate but there was no Charla and Myrna or Phil waiting there to greet us. (This will only make sense if you've seen the damn show religiously like I have.) I was just glad to get away from the Passenger from HELL.
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