Lane Fucker

When I am ready to unload my merchandise onto the conveyor belt at Target would you kindly back up off my grill?! It is a huge pet peeve of mine when my personal shopping space is invaded as I complete my shopping adventure at a store which requires a conveyor belt, such as the grocery store or Target. Why is God's name do you insist on inching your cart forward till it's literally 4 inches away from my achilles tendon as I unload my shit? Do you think I don't see you waiting for me to put the plastic bar down to signify the end of my shit? Is your time more valuable than mine because you keep glancing at your watch? I fucking get it but my kids need to picked up in 20 minutes, too, beeotch. Do you think that just because I have spent 15 minutes unloading my probably close to $300 worth of groceries and am now sweating profusely I should let you go ahead of me because all you have is a 6-pack of Coors Light and three Hungry man dinners? Nope, sorry dude. Why don't you pick up a copy of Local Singles magazine because those dinners and beer aren't exactly gonna lure the ladies. I also cannot stand it when parents let their young kids encroach upon my zone. There was a little girl today at Target who had her grimy mitts resting on the belt as it rolled forward, decreasing my merchandise load zone by a full 10 inches. She was staring up at me like I had a baby's arm growing from my forehead. I never made eye contact because I wanted to deny gratification for this inappropriate behavior. I also noticed her mother staring at me as well. She never said, "Gee honey, why don't you step back and let this nice lady load her 50 pound cat litter and Tide detergent and sofa-sized packs of Bounty and Charmin?" Instead I could feel the white trash glare of her and her Nascar tank top-clad husband, Bubba. I think the family had a handful of items which is why I think they expected me to give up my precious space ahead of them. Fuck that shit! Maybe if you controlled your daughter's belt fondling problem I might have considered it. FINALLY it was time for me to load my ginormous toilet paper package and the mom snidely said, "Honey, be careful so she doesn't pinch your fingers!" Well excuse the fuck out of me! Bitch, you'd better hurry up and get home because you left your Jello and cottage cheese salad out on the coffee table. And Wheel of Fortune starts in 15 minutes.