Benadryl Shooters, Anyone?

Holy fucking shitballs. Today I taught the craziest fucking little kids' ballet class ever. I am no stranger to bitching about little diva ballerinas because there are some asshole parents out there who seriously see me as their 45 minutes-a-week babysitter for their kids. Children who have no capacity for respect or more than 30 seconds of focus at a time without screaming, running, saying "butt", hanging on the ballet barre, playing baseball knee slides in their tights, or any other jackass shenanigans that have NOTHING to do with following my instructions are products of lazy parents. Sorry, it's true. It's not ADHD or sensory deprivation disorder--I've HAD kids who have disabilities and guess what?! They don't act 1/10 as fucktardedly spastic as some of these crazies I get.

Today I had a little girl, about 3 1/2 years-old, take her sister by the head and repeatedly BASH HER SKULL into the mirror because she wouldn't move to join the rest of class. Mind you, the head banger usually spends 2/3 of my class time crawling on her knees and saying she's a dog or Miley Cyrus. In fact, she will get in a heated debate over not being called Miley. Seriously?!!! I reprimanded her in a stern tone and when she kept on going smashing skull I raised my voice (not anywhere near the decibel I can achieve ripping my own kids a new one over lesser crimes) to tell her to stop hurting her sister. She proceeded to lose her shit, scream and cry, and thrash about like an electrocuted salmon mid-stream. I tried to pick her up under her arms to take her to her mom but she did the limp doll routine. Can I even TELL you how much that pisses me off?! Had it been my own kid I would have dragged her ass, Raggedy Ann-style, to the door and drop-kicked her into the hall. Of course her mom was no where to be found in the hallway. I had to CHASE HER around the room, as the little kids who behave are watching with their jaws gaping. She ran between the mobile ballet barres and I got a firm grip under her pits and yanked her out. I tried to place her in time out on the tumbling mats and she tried to run away again. I don't fucking think so. With ass firmly planted, I denied her participation in the Coup de Gras of ballet class, The Silly Dance Contest. She sobbed, whined, and whimpered but did not get up from her spot.

When I invited her to join class again she acted sullen and pissy. Fine, I have an older, much smarter, more manipulative kid who has perfected the art of Mind Games. So don't squeeze your arms till they're purple and pretend like you want to join but Miss Molly is not letting you. You acted like a freak, you were punished in time-out, it's over and done--get the hell over yourself. When she finally realized no one gave a shit about her frenzied fit, she reluctantly got up and joined the rest of class to work on our dance for the spring concert. Call me evil but I was actually GLAD they were no tissues for her to wipe her nose. When class was finished, I presented each of them with two candy Easter treats, even Twisted Sister, star of Headbanger's Ball. She was throwing ANOTHER hissy about leaving because I told her we were going to have a little talk with her mommy. Mommy was on the phone but quickly hung up when I mouthed, "I need to talk to you a second." After I explained the "incident", as it shall be called, the mom looked shocked. Judging by prior behavior I have witnessed of the Dynamic Duo both in class, in the parking lot, and in the halls where I teach, I truly doubt this was the first time such violent sisterly interaction has occurred. Mom told me, "She doesn't deal well with being reprimanded." No fucking shit, Sherlock!!!!!!! I feel sorry for whoever she has as a kindergarten teacher in a couple years. I think she might be singing a different tune the next time she enters Miss Molly's dance studio, as I clearly am not running a midget pro wrestling ring.