My daughters think my breasts are absolutely hilarious. They poke them, lay on them when we cuddle before bedtime, and even punch them like a boxer would a punching bag. I don't ever recall them being so interested before I bought bigger ones. Now they are buoyant and bouncy and downright bodacious. They are equally fascinated with their own boobie buds, though small and virtually nonexistent.
At dinner out the other evening, the girls noticed my cleavage, poking precariously from the top of my tank top.
"Mommy, your crack is showing." Sophie noted.
I casually yanked my top up as much as I could. Isabella's giggles about my "crack" ensued.
"Yeah, Mom, your crack IS hanging out!!"
Then it began. Isabella lifted up her shirt to reveal her belly button. Then she lifted it higher, so quick I only caught a glimpse of her nips. But I saw them.
"ISABELLA!!!" I hissed. "That is NOT appropriate!! Do not do that again!"
Asking an almost 6 year-old to NOT do something is code for asking them to please do something repeatedly. Ooops, my bad.
Booby flash #2. And #3 and #4. She was now whipping her shirt up and down at a pace so quick I could not even tell the color of her shirt. Thank God our waiter was a little slow because he missed the pint-sized peep show.
Then Sophie began to fart. And drool. And laugh hysterically, sliding under the table. Enter waiter.
"My children have a little case of the giggles. So sorry."
He grimaced because I'm pretty sure he smelled the odor wafting from our table. And probably assumed it was me doing the dirty work. Why is it always the mom's fault?
More peep show, more farting, more obnoxious laughter. Howdy, waiter. Jesus, he thought we were freaks.
"My kids are really, really SPECIAL." I said in a sarcastic manner. He didn't bite. He thought they were spastic little shorties. And wished we would leave.
With a trumpet-like ass wind (thank you, Sophie), we stood to leave. I think the waiter was perhaps laughing at my level of frustration. He has just witnessed Little Girls Gone Wild. And it was NOT pretty.
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