Let's Bring the Room Down for a Second

I feel like Jan Hooks in the SNL episode with the Sweeney Sisters (if you are young you probably won't get that reference and that's sad. Look it up on YouTube, that's when Saturday Night Live was genius...) But let's get back to being serious and NOT making you laugh with my post. Tomorrow I will curse a lot and offend many of my readers so don't get your panties in a wad just yet......

 When I moved into my house in Plainfield there was this tree on the front corner of my property. It was a skinny, sad looking thing. I think the landscapers planted it askew because any time the wind blew, it tilted precariously towards the road. Because of it's less than upright planting and the fact that it was on the windiest corner in the neighborhood, I fully expected to find it split at the base and destroyed after every storm. Over the next couple of years I noticed a funny thing happen. A branch on the opposite side of where the tree was leaning began to grow across, around another brach as if it were an arm, holding the tree up. I thought "That's interesting but no way will that skinny branch be able to hold this tree if the wind blows hard enough." But that tree started to stand upright. The base got thicker, that helping branch still wrapped tightly across and under, holding on. I stood under that tree many times over the past year and marveled at this. I came home last week and noticed tree trimmers throughout my neighborhood. As I approached my house I noticed lots of trees were thinned out. I actually started tearing up when I saw that they had cut that helping branch from my tree. I went inside, feeling silly for being sad about this. I always thought that tree and its special branch were a metaphor for my life. "The tree is growing stronger because it's helping itself." I sat and realized that this tree had become strong and hardy. It was healthy and able to resist wind and storms. It no longer needed that branch.
This year has been a test of my wills. Going through divorce, feeling desolate and alone as a woman and mother, my beloved grandparents dying in a tragic car accident. I have struggled, cried, moped, been immobile with sadness. But something has changed within me. I feel stronger. I am not afraid to face reality. I am not afraid of people who berate and belittle me. I have stood up to some fears and said "Screw you! Do you even KNOW who the F I am?" I'm not yet out of the woods in a lot of ways. But I'm not afraid because I can't see an exact path to lead me. I see light and know that with every step I am better, stronger. I have helped myself, like that branch helped my tree. But I am free from needing it anymore. I have decided that I am the most important person in my life. ME. I matter to myself and that's all that should matter.
Thanks, tree. In your silent strength you have taught me a lot.....

So moral of the story? If you think you can't do it, you've GOT this, babe.