Does She Ever Shut Up?

I admit it, there is some euphoria that passes over me when my kids are at school. I really enjoy being around them, for the most part. Aside when they are beating the crap out of each other or whining for the 279th time about why I'm so mean for not buying them another puppy stuffed animal, motherhood is pure bliss. But once Isabella steps on that afternoon school bus, my whole aura changes. I get a little zip in my step. I start to smile. I can choose to clean my house (HA!), lay on my ass and watch Food TV, thinking of what I WON'T be making for dinner, or just go shopping.

Today I decided I needed to hit Target for a few necessities and perhaps any other items that caught my eye. There is WAY too much tempting shit at Target to just run in to buy tampons. Hello, Christmas pageantry is in full effect with it being November 1st and all. Nothing worse than a mom with time on her hands and a full array of new dollar section Christmas shit at Target. Don't bother looking for the cute assorted holiday gift tags, I bought them all. Now I will probably put them somewhere logical and totaly forget where that is by the time wrapping insanity (that is Christmas Eve) in my house ensues.

Part of my happiness to be free of children results in my willingness to talk to total strangers about whatever the hell I want. I chatted with a poor unsuspecting woman about which shoes I should get, the sassy sparkly holiday ones (they're classy, don't worry. I'm making them sound like a pair Dolly Parton wore in 1984) or the plain black patent leather ones. She seemed startled to have me busting out in conversation with her but she helped me make my choice. And my husband should thank my because I did NOT buy both. See, being friendly sometimes makes me think logically!

I had a chat with a lady in the checkout about children, shopping for birthday gifts, school, kids' ages, the phases they go through in believing in Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny, ease of shopping without kids, etc. And she wasn't even buying that much crap! She seemed genuinely interested as she blabbed on as much as I did. The checkout lady was my next conversation victim. I turned into the clerk on the Saturday Night Live skit, referring to "Terrrgit" and all its unique items for sale. I was telling HER which aisles to find my cute holiday shoes and sassy monkey PJ's for my little monkey 5 year-old.

You may question my level of caffeine intake before making my jaunt to the store. Not any, thank you very much. This pep is sheer joy of freedom, baby. No caffeine, taurine, crack, or Red Bull. If you see me smiling like a spaz with a gleam in my eye, be forewarned. Unless you've got 30 minutes to spare, don't take the risk of talking to me. I cannot shut up. I am like that most annoying children's toy your daughter ever got for her birthday. The batteries never run out and there is no off button. If you would like to purchase some they are in aisle 16 at Target, in case you wondered.