Can't We Just Do Both?

On Sunday mornings each week I am faced with a dilemma. Do I got to mass at 10 a.m. or do I go to my 8:15 spin class, possibly skipping church or having to go at 11:45, which is pretty late? I really like and need both activities in my life. I would flip my lid if the Catholic geniuses at Lifetime Fitness, my sacred exercise mecca, and the super Catholic clergy of St. Francis of Assisi, got together to make Sundays one jolly good time that benefitted your heart AND soul, literally.

Welcome to Spin Class Mass!! We will tone your buttocks in the name of the Lord!! Come one, come all. If you love Jesus and you love to wear a swimsuit, this can be a win-win proposition. During all sung sections of mass, we will be out of the saddle. (That's 10 inches you will be closer to the Lord for those of you who don't know..). Every time there is prayer, we will add load. This resistance will make your thighs burn but it's just that horrible sin being released from your body. The sweat that beads off your body will make you feel like you are re-baptized. Or how about Kickboxing for Christ? Punch that imaginary speedbag in the name of Jesus Christ! Turbo kick that evil temptation and lust right out the door!

I guess this longing is just a realization that I'm too busy to do it all. And not all venues of my life can multi-task together. Sigh. But damn that would be convenient. Burning calories and simultaneously receiving communion. How can you go wrong?

I suppose my grandiose wish is a result of the insanity that surrounds this time of year. I try to fit it all in. And by "it" I mean the ridiculous array of treats and temptations that beckon me to sample them at every turn. And the shopping and decorating and entertaining, along with my usual array of Mom duties. Cloning myself seems like a hell of a good idea right about now.

Many of you would forgo fitness for God any day. I get it. I just have no self control to resist all the bad stuff. Spending inordinate amounts of money on bullshit gifts we don't really need. Eating 1/2 batch of raw cookie dough BEFORE even baking the damn Christmas cookies. Sitting in front of the bowl of chips and dip, watching it have to be refilled twice, apparently because my yapper can't shovel them in fast enough. Why can't I just say no? Well I have no logical answer for this question, I just know I have to exercise or I will weigh 300 lbs. and be broke. Fitness makes me feel so great, as good or (sorry, God) or better than I do from going to church on Sunday. So until they find a way to make my two favorite things to do on a Sunday a combo like a sandwich with fries and a jumbo drink at Mickey D's, I will have to figure a way to balance my sins and my fat-burning. My peanut butter Buckeye cookies are calling. I have to go do some abdominal crunches now..