My new bikini came from Victoria's Secret today. You know what her secret is? Airbrushing. Those teeny, tiny Brazilian whores might appear to have big juggs but I guarantee you one thing. Even that Marissa chick, who graces the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue this year, has C-cup maximum. I have ridiculously large boobs. I shouldn't complain, I know it was MY choice not God's. But they ARE big.
This top is sassy and cute. It is a D-cup, the largest cup size they even make the style in. My fun bags peek precariously from the top, like a Spandex shelf holding a pair of jiggling Jello molds, hoping they don't spill over the edge. And if I so much as bend over to apply SPF 30 to my kids, the girls will come out to party, so to speak. Family friendly this suit is not. Sigh. I will venture out to a store way out in Schaumburg to find a store that specializes in.....gasp!....double D swimwear. As in Double DANG, Double Dongers, Dangerous Doorknockers, Definitely Distorted, etc. I only hope they offer more options than the Pamela Anderson string bikini in white see-through mesh. Again, not very family vacation friendly.
I never thought of the ramifications of my boob size in everyday life when we bought them. Buying bras at Target, bathing suits in sassy Juniors' styles, wearing my old leotards to teach ballet class. All of these are things that pose a problem. I need extra support like a truss-style bridge. I need to wear two sports bras minimum to the gym. Most of my pretty pre-boob job leotards now look like I have an ass in my shirt. All the bras in the pretty fun prints and colors only go up to a C-cup. When you shop for my cup size, you get 2 1/2 inch wide straps and the alluring color choices of white, tan, or black. Ooh. Hold me back from my unsexy self.
Some of you girls with small boobies might be thinking, "Bitch! YOU signed up for this shit! Shut your black and blue pie-hole, which is banged up from taking kickboxing with only one sports bra. And DON'T wear that new bikini to the family pool unless you cover that shit up with a tarp and duct tape." I'm on it. I'm off to Bass Pro Shop to see if I can fashion two tents into a top....
2 comments:
I thought you said you were a G-cup, as in "ginormous"???
I will take my post-nursing deflated skin tag boobs over your naughty knockers any day...
Superfinger
As a fellow Double-D'er (although natural for me), I hear ya sister!! Shopping for swimsuits takes my will to live.
A few years ago I just happened to stumble across about 5 suits that actually fit. Too bad those suits are about shot and I have yet to find anything that fits my ta-tas and doesn't look like I found it in my grandmother's closet.
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