Gearing Up

I am planning on doing another century ride this Sunday. As you know from reading, that is 100 miles. I feel pretty well prepared but there are some rituals I will go through this time to hopefully enhance my performance a bit. I want to eat a LOT of "good carbs" Saturday afternoon. This would include maybe some whole wheat pasta (okay, a giant serving), grilled chicken, and lots of fluids to hydrate myself. No, that does not include margaritas. I have new padded shorts. I was informed that the reason for my chaffing issues might stem from wearing underwear. Crazy, I know. I choose to go smokeless when donning my leotard and tights but who knew I had the same liberty when biking, too?! It sort of frightens me to have only a layer of Lycra and some crotch padding between me and my hard seat for hours on end. If I decide 25 miles into my ride that panties would have been a smarter choice, then what? Do I stow some in my pockets of my cycling jersey? Can I change into them without dropping them in the nuclear-blue solution in the Port-A-Potties at my rest stops? Hhm, I will have to ponder this. Just in case I DO end up chaffed worse than a baby's ass after three days of mandarin oranges and blueberries, I have a few packets of Butt'R. It's like butter for your bread but you spread it on your ass. I think I can use my hand and skip the knife. Maybe a spatula would work, too. I have a new short-sleeved jersey which has three neat pockets located on my lower back. I guess those pockets make shirts God damn pricey. Ralph Lauren could be charging a shitload more for his Polos if he threw in a couple of monogrammed pockets for lipgloss or ID. Just a thought. I have some packets of Goo, which is a nutrient and caffeine loaded "treat". I use this term loosely because although sweet, it is not delicious. I suppose if it didn't taste like gelatinous corn syrup they could have named it "Confectionary Loveliness" or even "Yum! This Shit's Delicious". Goo is certainly aptly named. I have two drink holders on my bike and a new thermal water bottle to keep my drink refreshingly chilled. I have a new digital odometer to tell my rate of speed and how many miles traveled. It does not tell me how many more miles till I die or my vagina has to survive its pounding but other than that, it's a dandy device. I have an additional "stuff holder" for my Goo, Power Shot Blocks (like gummy bears but with caffeine and shit to keep me going strong), electrolyte replacement tablets, Alleve (my back hurts when I ride this long), extra tubes in case my tires blow out, ID, and cell phone. I wish I could fit my crack pipe, too, but that just has to wait till I get back to my car. I am going to get up at 4:45am because this ride starts in Evanston, Illinois, which is about an hour away. We trek up to Kenosha, Wisconsin, and back. The last time I did this I was a little scared, not knowing if I could do it. I feel pretty confident this time. I know most people think this quantity of miles is insane. Saying it out loud is pretty freaky when I think about it. But damn, do I feel like the shit when I am done. And I mean the SHIT like when the Bulls were unstoppable, like when Britney and JT were together, like when 90210 was the ORIGINAL show without anorexic socialite actresses giving teens more God damn weight complexes. Another reason to ride 100 miles? You burn up to 5000 calories. Yeah, you can eat like a freaking pig when you are done. I tend to pass out with exhaustion so I can't really even feed myself. But hell yes, if you are wondering, it IS worth it. Gotta go get my carbs on now.