Expedited Shipping?

It is December 22nd. Not many shopping days left before the Big Day. Sophie informs me today that she would like some new American Girl Doll clothes. She and Isabella each have three American Girl Dolls (spaced out over 2 years, not all from us in case you think there are spoiled. Please, I know girls who have 6 or more...) I have finished what I thought was the rest of the Christmas shopping. Damn. I immediately checked the website for shipping options. No luck.
"Items delivered today will arrive AFTER December 25th." Super. Santa will definitely NOT be bringing any American Girl anything this year.
I find it humorous that Sophie would ask for this since she rarely plays with her dolls. In fact, unless Isabella is playing with them, Sophie wouldn't even be able to tell you where to find them in our house. The Antarctic Chill we have been kissed by has prevented them from going outside to play. I have warned the girls of imminent frostbite if they go outside when it is this freaking cold.
Sophie, "Mom, what's frostbite?"
Me, "Well, it's when your skin is exposed to extremely cold temperatures for too long. Sometimes your skin will freeze and die."
Sophie, "Will it turn black?"
Me, "I guess it could.."
Sophie, "Will it grow back?"
Me, "I think so."
Sophie, ".....Mom, what's frostbite?"
Grrrr. I loathe winter break.

So today my kids have been quite creative when playing together. There has been no begging for playdates. There has been minimal bickering (knock on wood). It has been, and I'm biting myself in the ass by admitting this, PLEASANT around here. I bought a box of fondant icing to use for my gingerbread house decor and furniture. My daughters think this shit is better than Play-Do, Floam, and Moon Sand combined. It is just sugary, moldable frosting. They have been playing "Sugar Pets" today. Sophie has fashioned a dog, a cat, pet beds, food and water dishes, a bone, a ball of yarn, a bridge, and a fetching stick out of fondant. There is a pile of sugar animals and such piling up on my kitchen table. Once Christmas hits it will end up in the trash because what's better to play with, a new Nintendo DS game or a fake albino, 2-inch sugar cat?

As they played some more, I noticed they were talking about different situations with their dolls. At one point Isabella said her doll was sitting on the toilet. The WHAT?! American Girl makes loads of furniture in its over-priced line of doll goods. There are tables and chairs from every era, teepees, wheelchairs, armoires, scooters, horses, dance stages, beds, sleeping bags, you name it--they make it. But they do NOT make toilets. Bummer. Isn't taking a dump on the shitter pretty human? Aren't they trying to help little girls everywhere create real-life adventures and activities? I think it's time for an American Girl revamp. If I ran the company, here's what you would see in the American Girl 2008/2009 Catalog!!!!.....

American Girl Shitter: Real porcelain toilet with flushing mechanism and roll of 3-ply toilet paper.

American Girl Sneak-Out-At Night Kit: Includes a backpack, a pint of Jim Beam, a pack of clove cigarettes, and a mini Trojan condom.

American Girl Build-A-Bong: Includes a mini jack knife, mini PVC pipe, an eighth of "Maui Wowie", and a hot pink lighter. Roll of duct tape recommended but not included.

American Girl Let's-Get-Expelled Kit: Includes Barely Legal, MILF, and Juggs magazines, a mini molotov cocktail, matches, and mini manual on "Bullying Your Classmates for Dummies"

American Girl "Let's Be Butch" Collector's Set: Includes combat boots, flannel sleeveless shirt, spiked collar, baggy men's jeans, men's clippers to trim long locks into buzz cut, and Chap Stick.

American Girl "Party Like a Rockstar" Collector's Set: Includes crotchless panties, mini 8-ball of cocaine, Britney Spears CD box set, 6-pack of Red Bull, and platform Jimmy Choo sandals.

American Girl Gym Freak Set: Includes rubber figure-8 ankles bands, mini 8, 10, and 12 pound dumbbells, leg-warmers, Propel fitness water, cycling shoes, yoga pants, and personal trainer log sheet to track exercises. Accessory add-on kit includes banana smoothie, Power Bar, and athletic sports bra.

American Girl Scientology Conversion Set: Includes L. Ron Hubbard velvet poster, donation envelope, Tom Cruise stick-on tattoo, "Down With Anti-Depressants" bumper sticker.

American Girl Hemp Princess Collectors Set: Includes compost starter kit, "Go Green" reusable grocery bag, broomstick tie-dye skirt, Jerry Garcia t-shirt, gladiator bamboo sandals, hummus and pita snack set. Accessory kit includes mini water pipe, bag 'o' weed, and lighter.

Which one would YOU buy for your daughter?