Who Used All the Damn Tape???!!

I love so many things about Christmas. It is my favorite holiday, always has been. I have been better about shopping for gifts in advance. Sometimes I put things in too many places in my house and get frantic/insane trying to locate them. That's why gift cards are dangerous--way too easy to lose. But the bane of my existence is gift wrapping. It is a never ending task. No matter how many presents I try to wrap in advance, I will always end up with a stack of "where-the-fuck-did-these-come-from?" presents on December 24th at about 10:45 pm. I enjoy buying and giving immensely. It makes me happy to see excited faces from what I give them. And the spectacle of the presentation is part of it. My wrapping "station" (dining room table) is smothered by rolls and rolls of colored, shiny paper, scissors, tape, bows and ribbon, gift bags, tissue, and boxes. I inevitably misplace one of my 8 pairs of scissors repeatedly. I will stomp around in circles from the kitchen to the dining room to the family room, over and over, cursing and foaming at the mouth. Then I locate the scissors which were just hiding under my gift tags. Then I repeat this cycle with my tape, ribbon, scissors again, pen to write with, and packages of tissue paper to stuff the damn gift bags. My mom always warns me of my incomplete wrapping assessment prior to her arriving at my house. I have the best intentions but there are those extra few (37) gifts that rear their ugly heads on Christmas Eve. My mom begrudgingly helps out. I am really, really trying to get my shopping and wrapping completed by the time she's here. Less stress, less swearing, less lost scissors. It's not gonna happen but I can add that to MY list for Santa.

And speaking of that jolly dude, I think Sophie is entering into the non-believing stage. I knew about Santa for a long time but still pretended to believe. I don't want her to blow it for Isabella. She is very adept at noticing the small details. Like Santa writes his A's just like Mom does. And how come the wrapping paper from Santa is the same stuff Mommy used for Daddy's gift? What's next? Will she hire a dentist to measure my bite to see if it's really my teeth marks in Santa's cookies?! Damn sleuth detective child of mine. The kids don't seem to be concerned that we haven't been to the mall to see Santa yet.
"We know it's not REALLY Santa. It's just one of his helpers who work at the mall, right Mom?"
Dammit-all.

On a holiday side-bar, who the hell felt it was really necessary to do away with CHRISTMAS and rename everything "holiday". We are having a "winter holiday party" in my daughters' classrooms. Bullshit. It is a Christmas party. If I lived in a country with predominantly Jewish or Muslim citizens, fine. Call my kids' party whatever you would like. I live in a community of mostly Christian or at least Christmas-celebrating folks. Hell, I know a few atheists who ride the Santa bandwagon for the sake of all the festivities. And who doesn't like Santa?! I am making treat bags (without candy because, God forbid, my normal-sized child eats a few Hershey's Kisses or a damn candy cane!!) and a craft for my daughter's class. I happen to have scored some great deals on the prizes. Guess what? Some of them have-----CHRISTMAS TREES on them!! Oh NOOOOOOOO!!! And one items even says "Christmas". Gee, I hope I don't get sued by some parents over fucking treat bags. Get a life, people. If a Jewsih room mother wants to send a Hannukah treat bag home, go for it. You are putting forth the effort. Kids don't mind, it's a God damn treat bag. People need to chill the hell out and quit making so many assumptions. There are much bigger problems in this world right now than whether or not religious implications are affecting the nature of a 45-minute classroom party. Go smoke a big fat one a relax.