I might be going to hell for this one.............If you are bagging my groceries at Jewel, could you not chuck my Honeycrisp apples into my bag like it's a full shitty diaper? I did not close my eyes and grab whichever ones I felt like. I actually took the time to select each one, to determine which ones were bruised and unpalatable and ones that were perfect for school lunches. Now I might as well make applesauce out of the damn mess you have made from my produce. And thanks also, by the way, for throwing all my canned goods on top of my loaves of bread. I'm sure they're not squished like a titty in a mammogram so don't worry.
I don't know the rank of experience you need to ascend to get to the level of bagger. Is this the first step? There has to be SOME sort of training, right? I can't imagine an employer telling their new bag boys and girls, "Hey everyone, I don't care what the hell you get in those grocery bags, just make it speedy! We can't keep the customers waiting so if their eggs need to be tossed in with their 50 lb. bag of Puppy Chow, so be it!" I think there might even be a slight level of science or basic logic involved, hell, even plain common sense, used when deciding which items to bag together.
Now I will defend my next comment by saying I have had bad baggers of all sorts. One that particularly stands out is a fat fuck kid who's probably about 18 years-old. He is always sweating and looks like he is SO ready to go on his lunch break whenever I get the bum luck of having him bag my shit. He actually THROWS my produce into my cart. I think the dough rolls of chub underneath his arms prevent him from actually being able to reach over and place it nicely. He has C.F.G. (Crotch Flab Gut) which looks like he's hiding a 2-gallon Ziplock of pudding in his pants with the way it jiggles. I hate Lazy Pudge Boy. He has ruined pounds of my fruit for no other reason than he does not give a shit.
There are other careless baggers who I believe just don't know any better. I am all about equal opportunity but many of the mentally impaired kids and adults tend to be "Fruit Chuckers". I love that they are gainfully employed and enthused. But if I'm spending my money at your store, teach them what the hell to do or make them stock shelves. This irritates me to no end, be it due to ignorance or laziness. Stop bruising my fucking melons. I will personally come in and show these baggers the finer points of handling my (usually) $200 or more worth of groceries. It is not brain surgery here. If you bought $200 worth of CD's at Best Buy would you want me to drop your digital camera, rechargable batteries, and 5 king-size boxes of Milk Duds on top of them? I think not.
I even had a careless woman today at Target who wadded clothing items like Jared shoves a Big Mac into his yapper when he's away from Subway. She shoved in into my bag faster than Winona Rider in a Saks fitting room. There was no rhyme or reason to her method. She wasn't in a hurry, she didn't look irritated to be working hour number 9 of her 10 hour shift, she didn't appear that her mother dropped her on her head one too many times as an infant. I wanted to punch her in the head. Now my gifts for three people are going to look like I pulled them off some homeless guy. Precious. Why even bother to hang the shit up on racks? Just dump all the clothes in a massive pile so we can dive in ad see what's what. It'll be like a leaf pile in fall! Ooohh, goody gumdrops!
I worked in retail, I know what it feels like to spend hours refolding a mountain of cashmere only to have some twat customer rifle through it and unfold every damn one then not buy a fucking thing. If I pull something from the bottom of a pile, I do it with care and fix it. See, I give a shit. There's so many people out there that simply do not care. Why should they put an ounce of effort in to helping out? I hate my job so I'm going to bag your groceries as quick as I can. I wish I was at happy hour so I'm going to take my aggression out on your loaves of bread. I have never worked a day in my life so someone else can pick up those tacky sweaters I looked at but would never wear. News flash: you are all morons and if I find out where you live, I will leave an enormous pile of dogshit on the hood of your car. Clean-up on aisle 7!!!
1 comment:
Speaking as some one who's first job was a bag boy at Meijer, I can tell you there is an exact science to bagging groceries. However, it is a science that I made up myself as there was little to no training involved except the manager told us to use as few bags as possible to keep expenses down!! Cheap bastards!! Since I love to toot my own horn, I will say that I became quite adept at bagging items quickly and efficiently. Many people do not know this but cashiers are rated on how many items they scan per minute so they really want a bag boy on their lane that can move the shit out the door. I guess one of the highlights of my teenage years was having 300 lb. female cashiers get ready for a smack down because they were fighting over whose lane I was going to work!!
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