Why???

I realize it's been a long-ass time since I wrote. Why the fuck is that? I've been busy but who isn't? I haven't felt inspired, motivated, funny or like I have a purpose. What the hell do I need, a God damn Dr. Phil intervention? Christ.... I need to get back on this shit already. What a pussy.

I was watching some videos on YouTube today, a venue for a shit pot of folks lacking any sort of talent. There's a funny-ass girl who goes by the name of Jenna Marbles. She rants about everyday shit with quite a colorful vocabulary, one I am also fluent in. Trouble is I cannot possibly post anything remotely similar because I am a parent and teacher and have far too many people who will probably think less of me. Well maybe not think less of me but maybe have a hard time with me as their kid's dance teacher just because I want to say "cocksucker" or "Fucktard". That really, really blows. Son of a bitch.My mouth never ceases to get me in trouble.

Frankly I am tired in general of pussyfooting around, afraid to possibly write anything that people might fucking assume is about them. To use a phrase that my husband hates (and has nothing to do with sexual orientation), that is so gay. Everyone is so God damn touchy nowadays. Annoying as fuck if you ask me. Get over your damn high school self already. I have had people see a post on Facebook, the crack pipe of this era, and try to guess who it's about. This starts a gossip frenzy of assumptions, madness, accusations, total mayhem. And when I allude to something, don't take it seriously. Have you ever even MET me?? I am sarcastic as fuck. It's not like I'm spreading rumors you are a necrophiliac or have a crusty underwear collection. Unless you DO keep your yeasty panties after you screw corpses, then you really deserve public humiliation. Everyone takes themselves so God damn seriously!!!!!!!!!

I wish I could be more honest about my humor. But though I can be crass and raunchy, I try to keep it in the proper venue. I'd love to post a link to my blog on my Facebook page. But not everyone, like your cool-as-shit selves reading this and laughing, are as open. I have some friends who are Jesus freaks. Don't get your ironed, white cotton panties in a wad, I struggle with my faith so I guess its cool you post biblical quotes and praise-your-Lord phrases all day long. I don't read all of them because sometimes it feels a little preachy (being honest here). I try to lead a good, honest life and all that koom-ba-ya shit. I just have a hard time making it to church on Sunday when it is boring as all holy hell and if I can't get into it and even understand what the priest is even talking about, how do I push that on my kids???? Maybe I'm in the wrong church, I don't know. I'm cool having my Sunday mornings free right now. Do I think I'm going to hell for it? No fucking way.

I often rant about my kids, another topic some people find taboo. And suffer my frustration in silence?? I don't think so. This is a generation of emotional dysentery in which spewing forth that which ails you causes immediate relief. It's like I've said, moms and dads who NEVER complain about their kids and life once in awhile are raging fucking liars. Get it off your chest, your daughter acted like a raging bitch this morning and you wanted to nail gun her to the wall for how she talked to you. I GET IT. Not the "bite your tongue and ignore her while you remain angry and hurt for a day". Fuck. That. I love my kids, I seriously am enjoying the ages they are right now more than any phase or age they've been so far. But I have my moments. Some weeks LOTS of them. So I'm being real here. Fake is for tits and tans, not emotions.

This is a tangent here, no rhyme or reason as to what the fuck I'm writing. I just know that making people laugh till they cramp up or piss their pants gets me going. So I will seriously make more of an effort to be on this whole blog shit again. I apologize for my delinquency. If you are friends with me on Facebook, keep topics flowing so I can have material to bitch about. If you aren't friends with me and are a total creeper who I have NO friends in common with, piss off. I don't friend people for sheer quantity. (Another rant for another day...) And for you people who are fans of "Jesus Is Awesome", don't be offended if I have to block you for awhile. Your holiness is God damn annoying. Peace........