So I Was Thinking

of so much random shit today on my bike ride. Like, how do people come up with the most fucked up names for their kids? It's as if they go out of their way to be a pain in the ass so their kids will go through life waiting for the day they are old enough to legally change their name. And what do you SAY to someone who says, "Meet my beautiful baby twins, Effervescence and Mr. Pibb!" Now what the fuck do you say to that? That's only hypothetical, I just thought that would be hilarious..

Why is Knight Rider back on TV? Without the Hoff I don't know if it will have it's wacky mullet-poof appeal. And 90210 is back, too?? I will wholeheartedly admit I was totally into that shit back in the day. The new one will not hold up. It will be a glorified version of The Hills. And who the hell is Audrina Patridge, or however the hell you spell it? She was on my lover, Chelsea Handler's, show he other night. What a dumb-ass bitch.

Why are so many feminist bitches all up in arms over the women's beach volleyball team wearing bikinis? I know the guys probably would look hot without their shirts but who cares? Move on.. Will some orthodontist PLEASE offer Michael Phelps some free braces? He cannot talk because his teeth are so jacked. Sure, his body is unreal with his abs, arms, and dolphin-like thrusting under the water but the BOY CAN'T TALK!!! Why were the Chinese military who marched in at the opening of the Olympics wearing peach lip gloss?

Why does saying FUCK or MOTHER FUCKER or I FUCKING HATE YOU or FUCK ME/YOU always make a frustrating situation tolerable? I was cursing up a Tourette's Syndrome quantity of F-bombs on my bike ride as the pack I was with became further and further away. I assumed I was last because in the second leg, probably about mile 40 or so, I was fucking dying. In fact, I uttered, "I am fucking DYING here!" I also yelled to the wind, "I fucking hate you! Slow the fuck down! This fucking sucks!!" Then I realized there WAS another rider behind me who not only heard my profane mouth but might have gotten a backdraft on a few ladylike snot rockets I had to blow because my arms were paralyzed into their cramped position, gripping my handlebars.( I can't reach for a Kleenex in the back of my bike jersey because I will surely topple over in the gravel. ) This guy was really kind and said he did not hear me cursing. Fast forward 10 miles and I realize his three kids will be attending my kids' new school, which is not big so he will undoubtedly see me at various school events. And you know he will offer me a Kleenex.

Off to bed. I am tired as shit. Even though I finished 64 miles today, I will probably drag myself to the gym tomorrow because it is my drug of choice. That and swearing. My mouth is in fucking great shape, it is bad-ass as hell.