If you tell me you absolutely never fight with your spouse, here's what I think....
You are a big, fat liar.
You are trying to appear like your family should be on the cover of Good Housekeeping.
You are drunk.
You are stoned.
Your spouse lives in another state and you see him once a month for some family time/booty call.
Your spouse is in jail.
You are retarded.
Your spouse is in a coma.
I fight with my spouse on occasion but it's usually for some dumb-ass shit. It's a blow-up scene, some yelling, a few "whatevers!!", walking off in a huff, then after an hour or two one of us says we're sorry and it's all good in the Ghahtani hood. There have been periods when we fought more often and the periods between "Up yours!!! and "I'm really sorry" were considerably longer. We are in a "happy place" right now. I'm good with that. Because despite what you would think if you hear me screaming at my kids in the morning to get their damn backpacks on and zip up their frickin' coats, I really prefer a peaceful house.
Why is the divorce rate in America so damn high? I think people get married and expect that diamond ring or that $50,000 big day to transform their relationship into something it never was going to be in the first place. The biggest problem I see with the Big Wedding Money Suck Job? The lavish honeymoon. You are high on life. You just had the most beautiful, special dress on your body you will ever wear. You had fancy food, a big cake, magical music, and all the friends and family you care about to watch you vow your life and love to anther person. You will never feel more beautiful or skinny. Then you fly off to fantasy La La Land to celebrate this union with nothing to do but drink alcohol, screw, and stare into each others' eyes. Then you return from 10 days in Honeymoon Heaven jet-lagged, dehydrated, and broke as shit. Welcome to reality, bee-otch.
I think we need a honeymoon revamp. I say we encourage a more rugged, no frills honeymoon. Rather than say, the Grand Hyatt in Maui, how about the Best Western in Aurora! Or better yet, let's make that lovely perfectly happy couple do some grunt work. A really tough job to help them bond, like a team. Building a house for Habitat for Humanity? Working changing bed pans in a nursing home for a week? Cleaning animal cages at the Anti-Cruelty Society? How about sleeping in a tent at a Walmart parking lot to hand out donuts and hot chocolate to weary shoppers on Black Friday? Think of the honeymoon as an adventure not unlike The Amazing Race. That show kicks relationships' asses, well if a relationship could have an ass.. It'll make or break you. I think if we keep it basic and not so glamorized, things might stand the test of time a little longer. Maybe.
I know there are no absolutes. I know couples who have eloped in Vegas and have been married many years. I have friends who HAVE done the big Hawaiian fantasy trip and are still together. I know couples who have gotten raging food poisoning on their tropical getaway and spent the whole trip lying in the bathroom, sharing the shitter with their sweetie. It depends on the couple. I think it is so much damn pressure to expect to live life on that high when you return to reality. Marriage is really tough, it's not easy, and it definitely isn't ever as pretty as your size 4 skinny ass in that Vera Wang dress at the country club. Do I make it sound like marriage is not worth it? It can be. Just don't expect your Peruvian maitre'd to hand you a Mai Tai before you throw your hubby's poo poo undies into your laundry.
3 comments:
Personally, I think a lot of it is people spending a year planning the wedding of their dreams and not focusing on their relationship. Then they get back from the honeymoon and don't even know the person they have pledged to be true to 'til death do they part. I think these lavish weddings are just ridiculous and would like to see a more toned down trend. Spend that extra $40,000 you saved on a down payment on your first home and some premarital counseling. It's a huge commitment that needs to be built on solid ground!
Speaking from the vantage point of experience, it's anything but easy. In fact, couples may go through YEARS of tough times. Is this when people give up? There is a definite ebb & flow to marriage; you just have to hang in there. Be friends, have friends, & cherish time alone to make it all work. It's usually worth it.
Mom
marriage is hard. life is hard. deal with it! suck it up! figure it out! these couples that just give up and get divorced give marriage a bad name. shame on them!
Post a Comment