It's All About the Baby Jesus

As much as a try to instill the values of the REAL meaning of Christmas, it's sad how every year they seem to get lost in the shuffle. From the moment the Toys 'R' Us Holiday Toy Orgy Guide comes in the Sunday paper, my kids are in "how much shit can I ask Santa for this year?" mode. They look in every catalog and circle every item with abandon, exclaiming, "That's my FAVORITE coolest toy I really, really, really want for Christmas!!" A die cast John Deere tractor. Really? The greed is multiplied by my feeling of need to buy all this crap for them. They don't need it, some days they certainly don't deserve it, but if I have the means to make them happy, stand back shoppers. Mommy's in crack head shopping mode!

My husband works his ass off at his job. He travels all over the damn place and often works on weekends. His income provides me with the luxury of being able to stay at home with my kids. I know I am lucky and blessed, don't get me wrong. Why should I feel guilty about spending a little extra dough around the holidays? Neither of us were born with silver spoons in our mouths, we have earned our lifestyle. I feel for those who really struggle, especially around the holidays. I don't want to tell them what my kids are getting for Christmas but it's not like I stole the shit.

My girls each received an American Girl doll from us (it can't ALL be from Santa) and then my husband's parents got them each one as well. (The Wisconsin woman who came up with this idea is a very wealthy genius. I would have clamored for these dolls even more than those scary-ass Cabbage Patch Kids I had to have as a kid, which are seriously ugly.) They got the Wii system, which is a barrel of fun for the whole family. Isabella got her own Nintendo DS so she doesn't have to share with her sister. Sophie got an IPod from her Aunt and Uncle. They got clothes, games, and more dolls. They got arts and crafts and stuffed animals (how many Webkinz does one kid need???). Suffice to say, the holidays at our house tend to be excessive. It cracks me up when every year my mom makes the declaration, "Let's not go nuts this year on gifts. Let's keep it down to a dull roar." And every year the insanity gets more out of control than a Tony Little exercise system infomercial. I think this year the gift-opening was kept just under four hours. See, at the Ghahtani house, we open ONE gift at a time. If I spent money on you and took the time to wrap your shit in festive paper, I want to see your joy and awe when you open it. Don't laugh, we've been known to take over six hours.

We did go to Christmas Eve mass and the girls behaved pretty well. They followed along with the readings and hymns in the book and tried to not be fidgety or whine for the Hershey's Kisses I smuggled in my purse. They know Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ. They also know that 99.9% of all TV commercials don't flash Baby Jeezy in swaddling clothes. They show Mr. Bowl Full of Jelly in his red velvet pantsuited glory, delivering mountains of presents to all the good little girls and boys. If they did an updated version of the birth of Christ, maybe there should be an interesting cast to lure these present-hungry kids....
Joseph....... One of the Jonas Brothers
Mary.........Jamie Lynn Spears
Mary Magdalene (small role as street whore)....Britney Spears
Innkeeper.......Lindsey Lohan
Wise Men/Woman........ Hannah Montana, Zac Efron, Corbin Bleu
Baby Jesus..... Webkinz Panda Bear
Angel.........Heidi Klum (okay, that one's for me because, although I'm not lesbionic, I find her inspiring, gorgeous, and freakishly perfect for having three babies....thus, angelic)
I don't know about you or your family, but maybe we'd start a new classic with this one?