Been There, Done That

Having regrets in life is a shitty thing. Because no matter how much you beg and pray and plead to go back and give that mother fucker who teased you in high school a zinger comment which will stop him dead in his tracks, it ain't gonna happen. So get the hell over it.

I look back at what I've done in my life and smile. I have done some pretty crazy shit. Much of it I will never even post on this blog. Not because I plan on running for public office someday, just because it's none of your damn business because a lot of you just couldn't handle it. See me in this picture? I dyed my hair platinum blonde. I lived with a drag queen for a bit. I wore really tight, super short skirts as often as I could. I smoked Camel Light cigarettes. I drank vodka and soda with lemon. I went out clubbing and dancing with really, really wild and interesting people of all walks of life, sometimes till 7 in the morning. Sometimes I even went to work after staying up that late. Some days I called in sick. I had a fucking blast.

Some of you have known me for some time. A lot of you have only known me as Molly Ghahtani---mom, wife, ballet teacher, workout junkie. Those friends find it really hard to imagine my crazy-ass life before I became the suburbanite diva I am now. But there are many of you who knew me before I became who I am now, when I was Club Kid Molly. You think it's insane that I own a mini van, have had two daughters that I have managed to do a pretty damn good job raising (with help from my loving hubby..) without leaving them at the mall, do not have a meth lab in my basement, and live 30 miles outside of a large city. There might be even more of you who knew me in grade school as the goody two shoes kiss-ass who got really good grades and was quite shy. (Yes, I swear to you there was a period in my life I was painfully shy.) A handful of you I have been blessed to know through it all. It's good to have friends from all the parts of your life.

I do not regret things in my life. If I had the opportunity to do some things over, I suppose I'd do it differently. But I don't wallow in regret. It is fucking pointless. Because every crazy, fucked-up thing I have ever done had chiseled me into the person I am today. The trash-talking, profanity-addicted, ballet-teaching, big-boobed (well, not in THIS photo), sarcastic as shit, really funny mom and wife that I am. I love that I am a fun mom. I swear in front of my kids. I also read with them, do crafts with them, bake cookies with them, tickle them, help them with homework, discipline them, and take them to their 175 activities they are involved in a piece. I tease them and make jokes. I am rarely serious. I make equal fun of myself. If you can't laugh at yourself you are one of my favorite terms---a douche rag. Don't take yourself so fucking seriously!!!! Christ! Life is way too fucking short. People are like, "Oh, I could never post those embarrassing pictures of myself from 1989 on FACEBOOK! Look at my hair!" Hello, ass clown, it was 1989. Your hair was SUPPOSED to look like you were electrocuted. Duh?! Unless someone snapped a picture from that crazy spring break when you had sex with that donkey, get the hell over yourself. I am also a pretty cool wife. I can hang with the guys. I can let him do his own thing without having a spaz-ass hissy fit if he wants to watch some spring break video of drunk girls in bikinis while he plays poker with his buddies. He has a dick, he likes boobies, I get it. As long as the real life boobies he likes are mine it's all good. (I can see some of you cringing at me saying this. Jesus Lord... I also LOVE that I am so honest. Being a prude does not suit me. I don't give a shit if you don't want me to know you prefer it doggie style with your hubby but don't judge me because I like to talk about stuff. No, I will not tell you what I prefer...)

So all I'm saying is be whoever the hell you are. Savor the good shit, get over the bad shit. It's a terrible cliche but time flies by so fast, take a good look or you just might miss it. And do you really wanna' look back and say, "God damn, Molly was RIGHT on! Why didn't I wear that feather boa? Why didn't I tell him I loved him? Why didn't I pierce my nipples? Why didn't I stand up for myself? Why didn't I post that picture of me and that donkey?!" Like Nike says, Just do IT!!!