Can You Talk the Talk?

I had a good friend remind me of a classic phrase I uttered 100 times a day in college. To those of you who don't know me, it probably won't bring as much amusement. Does anyone remember the character, Chachi Arcola, on the TV show, Happy Days? I really don't even know how it evolved but if we referred to something as"chach", like, "That jacket is sooo CHACH!" it was not a compliment. We had code words and quotes from movies and TV shows that made us piss ourselves in hilarious laughter. There was no such thing as a mullet. It was known in my circle of friends as a "Jokehead". Because the joke was on you if you thought their hair was short, because from the back the waterfall of longer hair appeared. There was Joke-A-Pork (Jokehead with porcupine spikes in front). There was Joke-A-Cork (Jokehead with corkscrew curls down the back). And the awe-inspiring Joke-A-Cork-A-Pork (Jokehead with porcupine spikes AND corkscrew curls). I guess I spent a little too much time pontificating this crap. Hey, I managed to graduate in four years so give me a damn break.

These days with the amount of technology kids are exposed to, they have their own lingo. Between cell phones and texting, I can't keep up. This is not old news to any of you. I just figured out how to successfully text myself. Being a proper English writing freak (aside from the usual smattering of typos. Bite me..), I find it hard to type @ (at) or UR (you are) or 4sho (for sure). My kids even find little phrases that have little or no meaning and say it till they're drooling with silliness. Sophie's latest catch phrase, which drives me nuts because it's just stupid, is "AGENT P". WTF???? She's special, let's leave it at that.

So part of the era of text lingo and teen fads are obviously affected by Myspace and Facebook. I have a Facebook account, I use it to keep up with my in-laws overseas and Sultan has one, too. I was graciously informed by the young kids I teach that I'm way too old for this. "Miss Molly! How OLD are you?! YOU have a Facebook page?!!!" Thanks. And you, my little one, are too damn YOUNG to know about Facebook. Have you seen some of their Stickerz you can send? At first you see kittens and puppies and little baskets with hearts overflowing. Aaaaawwwww!!! Then you see genital penetration. I'm talking full-on, cock into poonani action. And naked lesbians making out. And gay men oiled up with dog collars and buttless chaps. Okay, that one I didn't mind so much because the men looked like Dolce and Gabbana models and let's face it, they're yummy. But as a website that connects the young generation together, do we really need so much blatant sex? Really? Sex is everywhere. Advertised for deodorant, slutty looking dolls, food, clothing. Can there be one sacred place where I'm not reminded, "It's time to fuck! Let's all be horny bitches!" Lord in heaven. Aren't we trying to prevent teen pregnancy? Plus it is very misleading to those young girls out there who have never seen a penis. How disappointed they will be when they discover most men don't have a 12-inch dick. And men out there, don't flatter yourself. No matter how much you stretch it next to that ruler, yours ain't getting' past 6 1/2 inches on a good day.
I have to run. I need to update my Facebook status and check and see if anyone sent me that hermaphrodite ballerina with nipple tassels sticker I've been waiting for!!!