Doesn't it feel good to be a part of a group? Whether it's an athletic team or a close group of friends, feeling like you belong is awesome. Even as a grown woman, I enjoy the camaraderie of ladies I know at the gym. (Yes, I'm talking about working out again. In fact, I wish I could go to work out AGAIN today, even though I already took spin this morning. Some people are hooked on narcotics, I am hooked on sweating and adrenaline.) I am a dork because I love walking into a class and being able to say hello and have casual conversation with at least 10 people I know.
If you say you don't give a shit about feeling like you are liked, you are a big fat liar, probably with no friends. Feeling left out really blows. It's like everyone is having a really great party and you walk by their front window only to realize YOUR invitation didn't quite make it. I wasn't always social. I was painfully shy as a child. I clung to my mom for a long-ass time. I wouldn't try to make friends much, kids had to approach me. As I got older I found a niche of girls and guys like me through dance. I blossomed as did my sense of humor. Maybe I always had it and it was merely dormant. Who knows, but at about the age of 17 I gained loads of self-confidence and haven't shut my (slightly offensive) pie-hole since.
Sophie, my 8 year-old, often worries about being popular. She has lots of friends, and I'm not saying that just because she's my kid. She has friends from the neighborhood, from our old playgroups, from dance class, from the daycare where she occasionally goes when I teach, and her dance company. She will talk to anyone and is fearlessly social and silly. If we are at a park or anywhere there is a chance to play with new friends, she will go up to anyone and say, "Hi, my name is Sophie. Wanna' play?" I look at her and see a mini Molly but her personality is a million times more dynamic than I ever was at 8 years-old. She has a friend who tells her if she doesn't dress a certain way she will not be popular. She also comments about her hair and the friends she chooses to hang out with. Sophie doesn't give two shits about what this kid says and I'm proud of her. The irony is that Sophie has far more friends than this kid ever has had and she doesn't get caught up in the drama of that damn word, "popular".
It's not good to feel like a loser but you have to BE a good friend to have friends. Some people are just socially retarded. They enter a dinner party or social setting and sit, stone-faced, afraid to talk to anyone they haven't known for years. Or they stand next to their husband or wife and the two of them only talk to each other for 4 1/2 hours. Who invited these schmucks? Sultan and I are pretty comfortable with social scenarios. If we have dinner at a restaurant and there are 5 other couples, we mingle and still are aware we are husband and wife. It seems simple but I suppose some people are shy. Sometimes shy comes across as stand-offish. But then again, someone who is really talkative and bubbly could comes across as boorish and obnoxious. I'm sure I have been called many things along these lines over the years. Like I care. As my dad says, I am who I am and if people don't like it, fuck 'em.
I am confident with the Molly I am. I like myself and I think that is very important. People who loathe themselves for whatever reason, whether they are fat but don't have the will to lose that weight or they never ask that girl out for fear of rejection or whether they never try that one thing they really want to do, tend to piss themselves off so they project a shit-ass personality and ultimately make them hate themselves. I'm not some self-helper who thinks she knows the keys to personal happiness. I have shitty days, too. But I try not to project that shit on everyone around me. Because then I am just a whiny, Debbie Downer fuckhead. Who wants to be around a fuckhead?
There is a couple of people who wrote this "Maximize Your Life" bullshit book who are holding a seminar at my 2nd home, the gym. They have been lurking around the group fitness classes, trying to get attendees. You can hand me a flyer but I ain't buying it. I am sassy, probably too old to be wearing a bikini, swear like a trucker, and I'm pretty content with the way I am. I don't need a best-selling book to try to tell me how to change and make it better.
I try to be a good friend. I try to be great wife. I enjoy being funny and silly. I also enjoy shocking people and being inappropriate at times. (Gee, Dad, I think I might get this trait from you...) I like to embarrass my kids and am firm when they are sassy or naughty. If you piss me off I will let you know. If you do something funny, stupid, outstanding, or idiotic, I will let you know what I think. So I suppose being self-confident has a lot to do with why I, personally, like who I am. And if you don't like THAT, you are SOOOOOO not popular with me.
1 comment:
That's right! If they don't like you for who you are then fuck 'em! As long as you know you are a good person, that's what counts. That's why I run around on my errands and to the gym without any makeup or hair done. I am me and if you don't like me, you can sit and spin!
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