Our Hawaiian vacation was simply a dream come true. And it sure as shit seems like a dream remembering the perfect, and I mean PERFECT, 80 degree weather since it's still damn nippy here. I get closer and closer to fantasizing about living in California after every winter I survive in the mid-West. But I'll get to my point.
We traveled to Kauai (pronounced ka-WAH-ee), which is the "Garden Island". It could not have been more lush and tropical if we were in the middle of an Amazon rainforest. The colors were electric--the blues of the sky and ocean and the greens of all the trees and leaves and all the ridiculously picturesque pink and orange and red flowers. Surreal like that psychedelic acid trip you took that made you paint your entire body, your dog, and mountain bike with 2 gallons of poster paint... Massively inspiring, to say the least. Gives a few Clark W. Griswold moments that make you want to "write, and paint, and sculpt...is there a men's room around here?"
There are a few things that are indigenous to this island. First of all, as soon as you get to the Lihue (pronounce li-HOO-ee) airport and exit into the savory climate, you hear the familiar "cock-a-doodle-doo" crowing of roosters. And not because it's early morning, just because these damn roosters and chickens are EVERYWHERE. And they are not the smartest animals around. They are the Kevin Federlines of the animals world. Like one of his bad rap songs no one will ever download, even on a dare, these spastic birds crow any time, any where, just to hear the cock crow, so to speak. Now the males are pretty spectacular with their elegant plumage, russet bodies, large blue and turquoise, and reddish feathers towering from their neck, back, and rear. They look like Vegas showgirls really. And if there's another rooster getting up in their hizzle, you better believe these guys don't play. The bob and weave like boxers, thrust their head to the rhythm of their pace, and can jump higher than a drunk redneck from his pickup truck when he gets busted for another DUI. Quick and crazy.
Another unique quality of Kauai is the plethora of red dirt everywhere. It is the oldest Hawaiian island so all the lava has begun to oxidize and the iron leaves the soil red. Most locals drive pick-ups with ridiculous suspension systems and tires and their cars are covered with a fine, reddish-brown powder. You can tell all the tourists because their SUV's, Mustang convertibles, and Jeeps are freshly cleaned by Hertz. Even some of the little hooligan kids who swarm about town, looking to bug tourists and local shop owners, seems to be this reddish brown color. Now I know that sounds super ignorant, it's just an observation all you keepin' it PC, UN protestors.
Locals who have moved to Kauai from the mainland complain of little nightlife. No night clubs and bars that close too early. With all the adventures you can experience during the day, do you really need to club it up till 4am drinking too many shots of tequila and being hungover till 2pm the next day? I think they do it this way on purpose, so you have no excuse to keep your sorry ass in bed. Miss this freakin' AMAZING climate and landscape?! You've got to be an idiot to not appreciate that. I guess if you still crave that shit in tropical paradise, Kauai is not for you. But if you want to see some mountains, dolphins, whales, coastline, and just CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLL, I'll meet you there. Not sure how we can one-up ourselves next year. This was perfect. Could have residual memories of my hubby basically re-proposing to me over a glorious canyon to make me jaded perhaps. Elizabeth Taylor diamond ring or not, it was a damn fine vacation.
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